MassageBot4000 Owners Manual

Hello! If you are currently reading this, CONGRATULATIONS, you are now a proud owner of the brand new MassageBot4000. We know that you are anxious to start using this exciting new product, but in this manual, there are things you must understand before getting started. Our goal at TechnologyRWe is to make your existence on Earth just as comfortable and easy as you once dreamt, by selling the finest robots on the market. Each year we dedicate millions of dollars from government funds to research and to create masterpieces the public is sure to love. Therefore, we strive for excellence because the best future is one where TechnologyRWe is front and center.

OPENING YOUR PACKAGE

When first receiving your MassageBot4000, please make sure that we shipped you the correct item from our catalog. To ensure this, you will need to prick your finger, then place said finger in the hole designated on the right side of the box. As your blood is taken and analyzed by our patented Blood Chip5 technology, fill out the questionnaire that comes stapled to the back of this manual. The questionnaire will give you directions on how to fill it out, properly scan and convert the document into a PDF file before you send it via email to RobotsRwe@gmail.com. If you are in fact the man/woman/thing that purchased the MassageBot4000, an email will be sent to you with the code to unlock the chains around your package. From this point, remove the chains around your package and send them back to the return address located on our companies website (if chains are not returned, a fine will be placed on your credit card). After these steps have been followed, you have become one step closer to experiencing your MassageBot4000.

INSTALLATION OF SOFTWARE

So, your MassageBot4000 (MB4000) is out of the box, grab the USB cord next to the MassageBot4000 and place the USB end into your computer. Flip open the plastic dome to find the star-shaped hole the other end of the USB goes into. If done correctly, the MB4000 will make a noise similar to a fire alarm (if any other sound is made, send back IMMEDIATELY). Depending on the weather outside during delivery, this sound will continue for about 4-12 minutes. During this time, install the TechnologyRWe app so you have access to all the styles of massages from you phone. With hundreds of massage styles, you will never get bored with your MassageBot4000. While these download onto your MB4000, begin to get comfortable because you are only three hours away from your first massage.

USING MASSAGEBOT4000

Your MB4000 is now loaded with massages and ready to be put to use. To correctly use this brilliant machine, you must first lay face down either on the floor or bed. Be sure that all clothing, jewelry and piercings are removed prior to your massage for safety precautions. Place MB4000 on the middle of your back, and remotely control it through your app, or have it perform one of the many massages you downloaded from the day before. Finally, as the MB4000 warms up for your personal massage, let the machine know that is not only important, but you could not live without it. The more sincerity in your voice, the better the experience.

WARNINGS

  1. Under NO circumstance should you ever use the MB4000 for loving. While it might be tempting, we here at TechnologyRWe discourage any customer to solicit the bot in any sexual way.
  2. Be sure that your MB4000 is completely charged prior to massage to ensure that the machine can turn itself off when finished. If for some reason your MB4000 dies midway through the massage, do not recharge it for any reason; send it back right away.
  3. Children under the age of 4 should never receive massages from the MB4000
  4. Do not operate machinery while being massaged.
  5. MB4000 will not tolerate listening to the musical stylings of “WHAM!” during massages.

WARRANTY & FAQS

The base warranty that comes with the purchase of the MB4000 depends on the model you purchased. If you purchased the “Original MessageBot4000” the warranty will expire by the time it is delivered. For the owners of “MessageBot4000: Black Edition” the warranty lasts for 467 massages or two years; whatever comes first. TechnologyRWe will replace your MessageBot4000 if broken before warranty ends. To officially send back a MB4000, disassemble the unit completely, take a picture and send email to RobotsRwe@gmail.com.

  1. Does the MB4000 come with a robot-hand adaptor?
    1. Unfortunately no, but our staff continues to find breakthroughs in massage technology every day.
  2. After you have purchased and set up your MB4000, can you sell it?
    1. A MB4000 is unique, and will only massage its original owner. Even if sold, it will never massage anyone else; the breakup would be too much for their delicate circuits.
  3. What about if I listen to George Michael’s solo work?
    1. Depending on the type of MB4000, it may allow it. However, I am hesitant to endorse his solo work as being superior to his work with “WHAM!”
  4. Can you own two MB4000’s?
    1. You can, but only if the first MB4000 you purchased is kept in the dark about this decision.
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