Dear Joshua The Pool Boy…

Dear Joshua The Pool Boy,

Greetings my dear pool boy, as you may know my family and I have been enjoying our trip here in the Galàpagos Islands. Already we have been here three nights, which has felt like a lifetime. This journey was exactly what the doctor ordered. Therefore, being my pool boy, you shall hear some details.

Each morning the sun creeps through the linen drapes to let us know the day is upon us. After we rise, my children’s mother leads us in our yoga stretches. She tells us that the stretches help with blood flow. Personally I do not feel different, but I have noticed the rate of flatulence has increased in us all.

When we are good and limber, turtles have usually arrived and are waiting for us at the front door. On their backs is breakfast. You see Joshua, the natives are innovative people; they have filed down the turtle’s shell so that it becomes a flat surface. Another benefit of these turtles, unlike humans, they do not require tips. In fact, a piece of lettuce or a potato pleases them. Before I forget, please find out if our pool is able to raise these turtles. I am bringing eggs home with the intent of raising them to be laborers. Who knows, one of the turtles might even replace you.

For tonight, our schedule is open. The children want to mingle with the natives in town. While the children’s mother and I desire to penetrate one another with the sound of waves hitting the beach in the background.

We are set to return in five days, so please have the house in order. If you do not have time to pick us up at the port of air, please do us a favor and send a cab.


-John Webster and the Webster’s’



Dear Boss,

Okay, I can do that stuff.




Dear Joshua the Pool Boy,

By the time you get this letter, it will most likely be our last day here. Therefore, please take this as another reminder that everything in my house must be in order.

This thought of coming home and thus leaving the Galàpagos Islands is anything but enjoyable. Last nights activities have burned my brain with its memory.

As I looked out at the ocean from the beach, the sky was a deep red with undertones of purple coming through. It was just as I was breathing in the salty air that a native surprised me by grabbing my arm. Turning around, I first noticed her dark brown hair that came down to her shoulders. Looking at the rest of her body, she had a long and skinny nose, puffy cheeks, and legs that must have been photo shopped. Her brown hand on my arm was soft, so soft that I asked her what lotion she used. Smiling, she pulled on my arm and led me away.

We walked down the shore for a while before coming up on a brown hut. The smoke pouring out of the chimney had a distinct smell, but I could not place it. Onions? Maybe. But I couldn’t be sure.

A group of naked women greeted the two of us inside the hut. They came up to my tour guide and I. Each one lined up to bow in front of her, and when in front of me, they would spit in their right hands and slap my belly. It was only after the last slap that I spied what the smell was coming from. On the stove, fish was cooking.

What then took place between the twelve of us was not simply casual sex or an affair. Rather, it was divine. During the lovemaking, we all spoke the same language. There were no winners or losers. Before the women all shrieked in unison, (signaling their climax) I believe that our souls merged for a split second. And in that moment, we felt God’s presence.

By the way, we are going to be landing at 4:00pm at LAX. As you know, we are traveling American. Please make sure you or the cab driver brings us each a Martinelli’s apple juice.

Looking forward to seeing you. Please hope for our safe travels.

Many Blessings,

-John Webster and the Webster Family



Dear Boss,

That sounded like a lot of fun.



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