If my memory is correct, the first time I realized how remarkable you were was when my father cut you up, and placed your slices on top of my cereal. While I forget the cereal that I ate that day, I do not forget what really made it a complete breakfast. You.
From that point forward, you have made my life better in addition to improving everything you come in contact with. When added to pancakes, you turned the lowly griddle-cake into an esteemed snack that would go on to inspire a song. You revolutionized lunch by lending your talents to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Even when you are rotten and old, you are salvaged to make bread taste amazing.
More importantly, you have been a staple in popular culture for decades. My generation grew up playing video games in which you were used as a bonus that could either secure 1st place or spin us out in humiliating fashion. You provided financial support by holding $250,000 in a stand made out of your image (it is a shame they burned you down). Or how about in 2005, when a rising female artist spelled out your name in a song that had nothing to do with you? Sure, it did not make sense as to why you were mentioned, but you were the reason it reached the top of the charts.
Which brings me to why I wrote this letter in the first place. You have the power to bring our world together. As a snack, you showcase a common ground for vegans, people on diets, and meat lovers. As a business, you are vital to the worldwide economy by feeding people and creating jobs so workers do not go hungry. As a joke, you create laughter when men and women deep throat you pretending you are a large penis. Thus you must answer this question. How can we become more like you, oh wise banana?
We humans are experiencing some of the most challenging times in our history. Not only is a cunt leading the free world, the government seems hell-bent on pillaging Earth for short-term profits. For these reasons, I knew I could not turn to a human for the answers. Instead, a plant that can turn sunlight into a delicious fruit must hold the key to unlock our salvation.
I do not expect a quick answer to such a complex question. Patience is a virtue, and I of course understand the language barrier between us. Therefore, when you do respond, whether it is in my native tongue or by simply showing us a sign, I will be on the look out.
As I wrap up, the ball is now in your court. I do apologize in advance for putting such a heavy burden upon your shoulder, but I would not have asked if I did not believe in you. In the past you have helped me through obstacles including moving to a new state, making friends and weight management. You have not let me down and I hope for humanity’s sake, that you do not stop now.